HERE WE GO AGAIN

I am sitting here in a quiet house, a rare occasion these days, with nothing but the sound of the wind outside + my diffuser whirring next to me. I’m consumed with the swirling scent of peppermint + lemon. Try it, it’s so refreshing. I waited until James + Ava went to his mom’s house for a few hours before starting today’s post. I didn’t want it to be tangled with interruptions every 30 seconds (legit real life with a 3 yo). After revamping this blog all day long yesterday, I had dreams all night of this space. It feels exciting to get back to it. Even now, feeling my fingers glide across the keyboard. This is what I missed. I’m so over typing out captions with one finger on a phone. Call me old school, but I really prefer a keyboard and an actual desktop computer. I hate how you can’t even appreciate how beautiful a blog is on a phone b/c of the way it’s layed out. It’s just not the same.

So here I am, coming back into this space. I have tried over the past few years to pick back up where I left off, but it never stuck. I even tried starting a whole new blog after Ava was born, Mama Bird Little Wing. I didn’t want this space to turn into a mommy blog, was my thought. But then I began to feel pigeon holed over there and realized I definitely couldn’t keep up with two blogs just for fun, so I quit that too. Everything has it’s time and place though, I believe. So, here we go again…

I have a pattern though, with Mercury Retrogrades. It always comes out of left field and rolls in with a fierce fire of excitement. I revisit old things. That is the natural thing to do during this time. But it always happens unexpectedly and unintentionally. So, I understand I have this pattern of returning to old projects, getting all fired up, sticking with them for a little while, and then one day I don’t, and it’s over. Always during a retrograde. I was born during a retrograde and have always felt pretty connected with these spaces of time. This time, I want to recognize this pattern, and be intentional with how I handle it. And in this space, I want to give myself permission to write about whatever the fuck I want to, whenever I want to. That feels freeing. Like the good ol’ beginning days.

What I miss the most about blogging was the community that was formed through it. I have friendships today from over a decade ago that were formed b/c of my little blog. They were connections that ran deep enough to stand the test of time even after all the blogs died. I think that says something.

So, here’s to trying this thing again, without expectations or limitations, on my own terms, as it should be. If you are reading this, leave a comment and let me know how long you have been reading my blog. Anyone remember the old blogspot? I think I started blogging in 2009…

Sending you all visions of sunshine on this cold, wet + windy day. xo

Transitions

You guys, I miss blogging. I know this platform is pretty much dead, at least it feels like it started dying out a few years ago... and social media like instagram + facebook has made it so easy to share life in bite size pieces within minutes. Blogging takes time, time that I usually feel like I don't have anymore. But I still miss it. I feel like I come back into this space every few months with a renewed attempt to start back up again, and then life. Life happens. And this may be another case, but then again, maybe I can find a way to make it ease back into my life. I miss the old days of blogging when I really felt like community, and I created some of the raddest friendships b/c of it. I mean, that is still happening over on ig + fb too, but something about the blog world felt so special about 5 years ago or so. All of that to say, I'm popping in here to blog today. Will it be another 5 months before I do again? Maybe. But maybe it will be tomorrow, who knows? 

Somehow, I now have a 2 year old. How did that even happen? I'm still not sure. But it did. Ava has been literally the best thing to happen to me, and to James. She has changed the meaning of life in so many ways for me. I let alot of things go over the past 3 years. Some of it is returning, and some of it isn't. Some just looks different than it used, and that is ok. I've become alot less attached to things and the way they go. Motherhood has definitely taught me to go with the flow as much as possible. 

For the past few months I have felt like I am going through another deep transition in life. They seem to come in waves, and usually occur around eclipse seasons and retrogrades for me. We are currently in the thick of that season and I definitely feel it. Some long needed healing came into my life recently by the grace of the universe and I feel enormously grateful to have had the space to clear my throat chakra of years of debris. I was reminded that things are not always as they seem, that letting go and cutting cords sometimes requires another perspective, and that women are truly fucking bad ass resilient creatures and that is so empowering. I also was able to give myself more forgiveness for the past, to love others deeper than before, to feel a tremendous amount of compassion for another and to gain my inner confidence back in the face of feeling small. It's amazing what can happen when we get over the fear of opening up and come together to heal wounds. 

I feel like I have been in search of my old self for a while now. But maybe I have just been looking to find my new self within this new phase of life. It's taking looking alot deeper, past my extra body weight, my clothes that don't fit right, my constantly messy hair + floors. I'm peeling back the layers continually, being able to see myself through my inner light the way others do. It's not always easy, I'll admit. 

Already after writing this, I really do want to get back to this space. I can't tell you what to expect. Probably alot of just life, like this. Alot of Ava Pearl, b/c well, she's just the cutest thing ever. Most likely alot of oily stuff b/c I'm obsessed and they are some of my best companions for emotional support + wellness. Maybe even some fun DIY's. Who knows. But I do know I'll share the links on my fb when I do post, so just stay with me over there if you don't want to miss one. 

QUESTION:  Have you felt any huge shifts in your life lately? If so, tell me about the them. I'd love to hear your stories, as if we were sitting across the couch from each other or gathered around a campfire drinking whiskey gingers. 

Full Moon Bath

It's been a hot minute since I have been in this space. I have been feeling the itch to get back to my blog, even if just every now and then for personal updates. I think I was trying to stuff myself inside a box by blogging just about mommy moments here in this space, and I need more than that in my life, and there is nobody telling me that I can't just blog whatever the heck I want, when I want. Why do we impose these silly rules for ourselves when it doesn't even matter? So here I am, showing up in all my random glory.

Today is the full moon in Capricorn. I'm not gonna lie, this moon phase has hit me like a ton of bricks. I have been deeply emotional, longing for the past, while trying to break through barriers of the here and now. I am needing personal space, silence, and to not be needed for like a day. I'm also feeling resistant to things I know I need to change with myself. The grief of my parents has been circling back around as well. And I am feeling a deep sadness within some of my friendships. Just a few layers of self + relationship that is processing in my heart. When I go through these periods I always know there is another side to it. I feel like I am Persephone in the underworld. It's another cycle of unearthing, unraveling, illuminating the dark, singing to the bones. 

Some of my favorite tools for self reflection are above. My bath time is so sacred to me. Anytime I feel like I need to connect with self + spirit, I go to the water. I use an old shudder that came off my parents house as a bath tray. My specific tools change each time according to how I am feeling. This time it was Sacred Frankincense + Inner Child oils, a rose quartz crystal, a bath bomb, sage + palo santo, tea lights, my medicine woman cards and a glass of whiskey ginger. Oh and some yummy charcoal soap + mirah oil for my face. Pampering, tuning in, exhaling, releasing, quieting to allow myself to hear my inner calls. All of this is so necessary for me. What is that thing for you? What do you do to connect to self + spirit? I know this looks different for everyone, and I love that. It's so personal and there are no rules (at least in my world). I'd love to hear what you keep in your 'toolkit'. 

The Grammy Tree

Yesterday afternoon, just a few hours before the new moon, we planted a tree for Ava.  Mountain Laurel's hold a special place in the heart of my family ever since my mom passed away.  We believe the little red seeds are little gifts from her. We let Ava pick one out at the nursery a few weeks ago.  We wanted to plant it on her first birthday, but since it's in the middle of summer we decided to go with a nice spring new moon instead.  She watched her daddy dig the hole in fascination, and then we let her put her little hands on it before we put it in the ground.  We buried her umbilical cord under it along with ashes from my dad, and our cat + dog who recently passed away, Bella + Violet.  This will be her tree to grow alongside with.