Oh my sweet little neglected blog... I just thought I'd have more time to pop over here during the making of my magazine, but as you can see that has not been the case. This week has got me thinking alot about deadlines... and expectations... and plans changing...
Last week I had some big exciting plans get cancelled last minute due to the weather, an absolutely uncontrollable force of nature. I should say postponed, not cancelled, b/c it will still be happening. But you know how you can get your hopes up when you are so ready for something and then it doesn't happen? Well that was me, and a barrel of emotions, the day before an unexpected moontime. Another out of the blue, I didn't know this was going to happen today, thing... Sometimes nature has its own plans. And you have to learn to shift along with it. Of course it was easy for me to meet the circumstances with opposition at first, but as the day went on I realize it was probably for the best, and in ways I don't even know about yet.
Most importantly these little hicupps made me realize just how stressed I was about timelines and deadlines, which in reality are all self imposed. I have a certain date I wanted to release my magazine on, and the closer it gets, the more I feel myself tense up and have freak outs that I won't be able to do it all. Making a magazine has alot of details involved, like millions of them. And you are also waiting on several dozen other peoples timelines for crafting, writing, sending, responding, etc. As much as I enjoy it, it can also be quickly overwhelming when dealing with all the details yourself.
So, the hicupps made me realize I need to relax about my deadline. I'm not a major company who has 50 people working for me to get this baby out on a certain deadline. So I shouldn't treat myself like I am. Any artist knows you have to go with the flow of your work if you want it to come from your heart. And this magazine is my artform right now. It is my baby, my creation, the outpouring of my heart. So, I need to step back, let things fall into place, be patient, de-stress so I can create in a loving way, and know that the day that it gets released will be the perfect day.
Allowing myself to take a step back has also brought a whole slur of new thoughts on how I distribute it into my head too. I may be changing things up quite a bit, and it is going to take a little time to build the groundwork for it. But in the end, I think it will be so worth it.
So, I may have been a little quiet over here, but I have alot going on in my head and in my creative work. I have no doubt the wait will be worth it.